Cooking With the Sohmas
by If You Get My Drift
Summary: I was in English one day and...this came to my sick mind...If you like cookies, read on. oneshot...sorry


So…yeah. First, my Internet messed up, then my computer ate itself, then we had to get a new one because the old one lost everything that was on it (including all my stories), then we had to move, and it's taken forever to get our Internet fixed, so…I AM SO SORRY!!!!! I LOVE ALL OF YOU!!!!! PLEASE READ MY HORRIBLE ATTEMPT AT YAOI FANFIC!!!! SNIFF!!! -**Runs off and crawls into a small dark hole to hide her shame-**

**-Screams from inside her hole-**: **DISCLAIMER: THIS IS REAL LIFE, SO NO I DON'T OWN IT SNIFF THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH SNIFF WARNING IF YOU LOOK REALLY HARD YOU CAN FIND THE YAOI SNIFF!!!**

* * *

Kyo had been tolerant of the incessant boredom for as long as he was able, trying to interest himself in attempting to commit the exact pattern of his fingerprints to memory. Even so, all good things must come to an end. Presently, he growled, "Dammit! There's nothing to do around this damn house!"

Yuki and Haru, his two cousins, looked over at the fuming cat-possessed teen with annoyance and indifference respectively. "For once, Stupid Cat, I think you may be right." Since Yuki was possessed by the Rat of the Chinese zodiac, he and Kyo were, or had been, at each other's throats. However, since Tohru had come to live with them, their hostility for each other had slowly begun to dissipate. _Very_ slowly.

"I agree. It does seem rather dull around here without Tohru and Shigure." Hatsuharu Sohma, or Haru, as he was known to the rest of the family, was possessed by the Ox of the zodiac. The catch to the boy's peaceful disposition was that he had a split personality, referred to by the Sohmas as Black Haru, Black for short. Haru went black when he got angry, and his alter-ego had an extremely flammable temper.

"Where is that idiot Dog anyway?" Kyo asked, referring to Shigure.

"Probably harassing his poor editor again. I won't be surprised if she really **does** kill herself one of these days." Yuki knew as well as the other two that Shigure constantly tortured his editor by telling her he had not completed his manuscript.

"Or else he's hiding from her somewhere. If I were her, I would just quit."

"No you wouldn't, you'd probably go Black and beat Shigure half to death," Kyo muttered.

"**What** was that, you Stupid Cat?!"

Yuki sighed inwardly. 'Speaking of which…'

"Nothing, just sit down…" Kyo didn't want a fight (A/N: For once), even though he could easily beat Haru, Black or otherwise.

"I'm hungry." Back to White Haru; the house might actually be spared a couple of broken doors today.

"Tohru's out shopping with the Yankee thug and the psychic freak, she'll make something when she gets back," explained Kyo, slightly irritated at Haru's near-bipolarity. (A/N: What _doesn't_ irritate him? Heheh)

"Uh-uh, can't wait that long. I'm going to make something."

'Better Haru cooks than I do, I don't think _he'd_ burn the place down…completely. Even the Stupid Cat is a better cook than I am.' Yuki had, on more than one occasion, very nearly burned the house down while trying to make a piece of toast.

"What about…cookies?"

"So the Stupid Cat knows how to make cookies?"

"Shut it, Rat! Who the hell d'ya think helped Tohru make all those cookies for the school festival last year?!"

"Isn't making cookies rather feminine?"

"Look who's talkin', girly-boy! Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

"Have you?"

"WHY YOU-"

"Cookies sound delicious," announced Haru, standing up and walking to the kitchen. (A/N: They're in the room with the table by the big door)

Kyo and Yuki exchanged one more spiteful glance and followed the Ox into the kitchen, where he had commenced gathering the ingredients and tools necessary for the art of cookie-making.

"What kind are you going to make, Haru?" inquired Yuki.

"Forgetting someone, Rat? _I'm_ helping too, ya know," snarled Kyo.

"Oh, be quiet, you Stupid Ca-"

"Chocolate chip, I think," interrupted Haru. He had sensed the imminent threat of one of their famous fights, and, sighing inwardly, had decided it was time to intervene. Not that he wouldn't enjoy watching Yuki kick Kyo through _another_ wall.

"Oh. Okay." It wasn't that Yuki had just completely forgotten about his little spat-in-progress with Kyo, only that he was starting to get hungry as well, and cookies sounded perfect.

"I'm not so sure about letting you get anywhere near the oven, though, Yuki. Didn't you start a fire once or five times?" Haru asked tonelessly.

Yuki sighed. "Yes, I did, _on accident_. Will all of you _ever_ stop reminding me of that?"

"No," came the hissed, self-satisfied reply, the sender of which currently sitting on the counter and glaring at Yuki.

"Rhetorical question, moron, now get off the counter." The various threats and challenges Kyo half-shouted (as he got off the counter) barely registered with Yuki, who was discussing what job he should be assigned with Haru.

Soon, it was decided that Kyo would make the cookie dough, Yuki would shape it, and Haru would bake it. On the bright side, this kept Yuki away from anything flammable or spillable. Unfortunately, it also put Kyo and Yuki right next to each other. Needless to say, they weren't ecstatic about it. However, after Haru pointed out the fact that if any of them switched their stations, they would probably cause a natural disaster, they managed to at least make an attempt at civility. That is, until Kyo 'accidentally' got flour in Yuki's hair. The Cat was rewarded with a faceful of the stuff, and when he tried to throw more on Yuki, the Rat ducked, causing the handful of flour to hit Haru square in the face. The Ox calmly walked around behind the Cat and the Rat, reached into the flour, and got two handfuls, dropping one over each of their heads. This action resulted in an all-out flour battle. They were so caught up in their war that they didn't even notice the sound of a car pulling into the driveway, much less the sound of the front door opening.

Shigure, Dog of the zodiac and somewhat twisted novelist, was back from…wherever he had been. Hearing the commotion in the kitchen, he made up his mind that he would sneak to his room and grab his camera, in case something absolutely priceless was happening behind those kitchen doors. His perverted mind raced with the smut for which his novels were famous. He took a deep breath, readied his picture-taking-button-pushing finger, and flung open the door.

Even Shigure hadn't expected to see what he did now. Three teenage boys, laughing like madmen, who were covered in flour, which they were still throwing around. He was too shocked to even take a picture.

Kyo saw Shigure first and immediately tackled him to the flour-covered floor, Yuki and Haru close behind. They wrenched the camera out of his hands and threatened to burn it. Shigure somehow managed to convince them that he hadn't taken a picture.

"We never speak of this again, agreed?" asked Haru.

"Agreed."

"Agreed."

"Yeah, whatev-ow!" Yuki had stepped, hard, on Kyo's foot when he heard the beginning of the Cat's answer. "I mean, agreed. Damn Rat…"

They quickly cleaned up the kitchen and had just put the cookies in the oven (A/N: I have no idea if they have an oven) when Tohru came home. However, they forgot one thing.

"Um…Why are you four covered in flour?"

Oops.

* * *

The idea came to me…in my English class.

Please don't kill me. Ummm…you don't have to review if you don't want to, but it gives me a review-high when people do, soooo…ahem.


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